As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
bring money and cleavage
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Boobs are out for the taking
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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