it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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