Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
