He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
