I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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