I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
