can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
