I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
