wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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