dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
