You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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