dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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