There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
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Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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