rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize