Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
