saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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