my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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