Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize