Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
