wanna go halves on a baby?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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