dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
