VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
