Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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