there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
