someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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