The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
