hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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