Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
