a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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