3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My vagina is officially offended.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
