Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
