why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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