I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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