Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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