I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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