theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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