I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what day is it and did you see me today?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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