Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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