You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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