false alarm. still invincible.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
