Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We named our party play list daddy issues
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
