I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
