Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
