I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i think i just lost a toe
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize