for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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