Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.