she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Two words: blizzard sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday