when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
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i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job