I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.