good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals