Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
