carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
