i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
