wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
