Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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