apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she told me i tasted like america
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
