Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
