very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
