it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
