BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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