4 words: hood of his car
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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