DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
