so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
