Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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