LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
