i was born a porn star she said
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Drunk is a universal language darling
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