I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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